Mostly Harmless

Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

Not snow again  

And thus it starts.  No, the snow thrower is not gassed up. It started a little while ago; I was expecting rain.

snows-again

Sigh, it’s like Lily saying to me “Not smart enough to come out of the rain” only with snow.

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Written by Jan Dembowski

December 31st, 2008 at 10:10 am

Posted in Humor

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What is it with Oprah and fakes?!  

Another memoir author revealed as a hoax.  Boy, this guy better not re-appear on Oprah, she’ll eat him alive.

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Written by Jan Dembowski

December 30th, 2008 at 1:24 pm

Posted in Asides, Humor, News

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I would not mind doing this in the office  

IT versus SALES.  That would never happen, right?

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My work place has cubicle walls about that tall too…

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Written by Jan Dembowski

December 24th, 2008 at 10:45 pm

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All my snows remembered  

It snowed here Friday, so when I got home I started shoveling before I even went inside.  My driveway is on a slope so if you don’t drive an SUV (I do) then going up the ramp is a problem.

2008 snow thrower

This picture is me 2 years ago when I had some forethought. Friday night I thought of that picture a lot. With some effort I was able to clear the driveway in short order.  It was messy but any car would be able to make it up that ramp.

It all was good afterwards, except Friday night and Saturday morning it snowed again and all my work was for naught.   On top of that, Saturday my back started to hurt.  Today I plan to take it easy and go outside and salt the driveway.  If I can I’ll gas up the snow thrower and see if that helps.

It will be fun but no matter how long it takes I need to clear that driveway.  The kids still have school and my folks need to be able to use their mini van.

Update: Let’s hear it for warmer weather, some rain, and Lily. She and I went out and scraped all the ice off of the driveway.

Driveway with no ice on it

I wanted to stop much sooner but she kept us till my folks car could come and go without touching any ice.

She’s always been much more determined than I am.

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Written by Jan Dembowski

December 21st, 2008 at 8:19 am

Posted in Family, Humor

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New take on Princess Bride fight scene  

Hallo! You killed my Father, prepare to die!

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I should watch that this weekend, I never get tired of it.

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Written by Jan Dembowski

December 19th, 2008 at 3:40 pm

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Now why didn’t Helen Thomas try that?  

I don’t think this Iraqi journalist is going to be invited to the United States anytime soon.

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The President dodges well. It’s a fitting ending to President Bush’s last visit to Iraq.

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Written by Jan Dembowski

December 14th, 2008 at 7:39 pm

Posted in Humor, Politics

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“Let’s go to a different cemetery”  

Today we observed the anniversary of a close relative’s death by visiting the cemetery and leaving offerings (Chinese family members).  It’s very respectful and Lily and I want our children to understand the reasons for this.

But my five year old girl is sick and the place we were going to is very cold.  She would have gotten much worse so we left her at home.  After the visit the whole family went to Flushing to eat, did some shopping and we came home around 4 P.M.

She was still upset about it.  I once again explained that where we went was very cold and she would have been miserable.  I promised that next time we go, she will come too (if she is not sick again).

She: It was very cold?

Me: Yes, windy and freezing.

She: Let’s go to a different cemetery. Once that has heating.

What could I say to that?

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Written by Jan Dembowski

November 29th, 2008 at 4:41 pm

Posted in Family, Humor

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Watching the shower get fixed  

Yesterday Lily stayed at home and got the contractors started on our bathroom.  They have done work for us before and don’t need us but we wanted to start off right.

Today it was my turn so I took a day off and ran errands.  Me and the owner of the contracting company went to Home Depot looking for tiles.  The ride there was fun.  I was the passenger explaining how to get to Home Depot and the driver spoke English very poorly.

The Home Depots around here don’t really have much selection of tile so I ended up buying the tiles from a local seller.  The store did not have it in stock, so I took a 15 mile ride by myself to their warehouse.  I had to get 7 boxes of tiles.

The ride was in my MINI Cooper and my only GPS was my iPhone.  It was in Old Westbury and when I got to a light I pulled out my iPhone and checked my position in the GPS.

Drive, stop, check GPS. I must have been the poster boy for why you can’t use cell phones while driving.

Once I got there I filled up the back of the MINI and came home.

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Written by Jan Dembowski

November 12th, 2008 at 9:05 pm

Posted in Humor

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“Yes your Honor, a horse race.”  

The Senator Stevens juror who left the trial? It wasn’t her dad she went to see. It was a horse race.

You really can’t make this stuff up.

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Written by Jan Dembowski

November 3rd, 2008 at 4:31 pm

Posted in Asides, Humor, Just Stupid

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In between weather  

Hot and muggy summer weather does not bother me.  I once dragged Lily through Washington D.C. in 101 degree weather and did not realize she was suffering, I was fine.  Summer in Las Vegas was great with it being over 100 and no humidity.

Autumn is very cool and New York winter never gave me a problem.  I’m not saying Minnesota winter would not wipe me out, but even with cold snaps I can’t get into too much trouble weather wise.  Our winters here are just mild and lately getting milder.

The transitions are a pain.  This is damp but not wet, colder but not cold.  One day it’s summertime and spring like the next. Then back to hot followed by cool evenings.

This weather is “in between” and it always bugs me.  For the next few weeks until fall settles in, I’ll be irritated by Mother Nature’s lack of making a decision. The changes give me headaches and my muscles hurt.  I’ll be more cranky than usual.

Sigh, I’ll have to deal with it by playing with the kids more.  The girl just started kindergarten and claims she is not happy.  She likes the bus ride, that’s very cool.  But she says she does not like the work (it’s her second week).

For 3 years she attended half day pre-k and knew everyone.  There were not many girls in her school and she was treated like a princess.  Once she told me she was going to marry one of the boys in her class. When I asked about another boy, she said she’d marry that one later.

I wonder if we are raising the next Liz Taylor?

At her new school she’s just one of hundreds of kids.  It’s good for her but she needs to adjust. She will learn to make new friends and enjoy being in class. She’ll be cranky and we’ll deal with her maudlin behavior.  For now she’s just in between.

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Written by Jan Dembowski

September 9th, 2008 at 9:17 pm

Posted in Family, Humor

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